Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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