im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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