so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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