dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
