Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
