Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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