Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
