You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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