So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
