True but thats because hes a fetus.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
