my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
