An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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