oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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