So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
