he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize