3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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