The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
