yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
