ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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