So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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