Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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