At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just gift wrapped bread.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He passed out mid-signature
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
