I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
