it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
