Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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