Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
