he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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