I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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