Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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