It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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