So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
