you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
