I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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