he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
