i don't like sucking hair
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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