Got a toothbrush?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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