I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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