We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
