We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
