So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
