Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
