I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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