she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
