As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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