How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
