how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize