Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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