You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
