Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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