I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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