I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
