I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
