I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
