did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
