Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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