I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Drake has all the answers
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know her cup size but not her name....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
