I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
