I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
be right there i have to get my cape
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
