I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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