she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
