my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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