I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
