Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
