apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
