I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
