Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
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You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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