can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
