On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
