Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize