So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
